I spent the afternoon hanging out with my brother while he had chemo. At this point in the game, the Oxaliplatin makes his hands and feet tingle, and he can't walk on the tile floor after he has it because of the sensitivity to cold. The hairs on his skin even hurt as clothing touches them.

He told me today that the Dr. said that breathing cold air in the winter will feel like breathing in broken glass...but not to worry, it doesn't cause any harm. That didn't actually sound all that encouraging to me!

Tonight he has to take the Xeloda - the drug that made him really sick last time - and we'll see how his body decides to dance wiht the poison that is designed to save his life. Today we were sitting next to this woman who must have been in her eighties. She was very sweet and I'm so very sorry that she has cancer. She obviously has lived life well, surrounded by her grown daughters who obviously love her.

Steve hasn't had that chance yet, he is just at the beginning really. And that seems abundantly wrong to me...I might actually hate it...

Today I had to stop myself from saying to Steve that I wished I could take his place. Because I'm beginning to think that wish is more about me than it is about him. So all I can do is say I'm sorry...and be present and make stupid jokes, and run...And it doesn't feel like it's nearly enough.

On a related note, the Chicago Marathon is now just around the corner. When I look at how strong my brother is and how graciously he is navigating this, I am convinced that he could be the mascot for LIVESTRONG! If you would still like to join me in supporting my brother http://run.livestrong.org/teamls2011/janetkafkas.