I've had a lot of time to reflect on milemarkers recently. On one hand they are very literal for me. I'm training for the Chicago Marathon right now which means I think about milemarkers almost every day. In the service of full disclosure, I've registered for Chicago 10 out of the last 11 years...and I haven't run it since 2000!! But this time around I'm raising money for LIVESTRONG (http://run.livestrong.org/teamls2011/janetkafkas) in support of my brother Steve as he wrestles with Stage IV colorectal cancer (www.stevekafkas.blogspot.com). And almost 70 people have given almost $7000...and hundreds know I'm running and why. So I have to run. I have to pass the milemarkers...along the lakefront in Chicago, in Kansas City tomorrow morning, in Maine around Back Bay this weekend...

On the other hand there are the more symbolic, proxy sorts of markers and they are about more than miles. They mark something I feel like I have control over when I can't fix it for my brother. When I can't fight this fight for him. They mark the passing of time with him...

This past weekend I flew into Boston and drove to Maine (three States and more milemarkers!) for my 20th High School Reunion. Crazy! I can't quite figure out how that happened. Many people look the same except they have children, teenagers even. But to be honest, names eluded me often! Another milemarker, noting the passing of time which I often entirely disregard. My dad even offered to drive me and pick me up...too many milemarkers have passed now for me to take him up on that. A girl can't go back...

And I saw my nephew Daniel. He just turned 20 months old. I saw him two months ago, and Skyped with him last week, and yet he has changed so much.

Milemarkers.

He discovered the word "Yucky" this weekend. He said it over and over and over again, dissolving into giggles every time. Which of course left me (and all of the other mature, grown adults!) dissolving in giggles too! In the last week he started giving hugs and kisses too, full-on open mouth kisses that every two-year gives. How did that happen? I can remember holding him and kissing his head when he was just three weeks old at his first Christmas.

Milemarkers.

In my first entry in this blog I shared with you my revelation about the importance of paying attention. How quickly I forget my own revelations. Paying attention to the things that matter is work. It doesn't just happen. How do I pay attention to what matters when the smallest, insignificant things consume my attention?

Milemarkers.

The milemarkers matter. But in order to catch them you have to pay attention. Have you ever been driving and realized that 10 miles have passed since you saw the last milemarker? Candidly, it's happened to me. I even sometimes miss the milemarkers on the running path that I know by heart and have run past hundreds of time. Milemarkers.

Steve starts chemo again on August 19th. Milemarkers. The house I grew up in, the house that has been my parents' home for over three decades goes on the market on August 16th. Milemarkers. I got to see my soon-to-arrive niece Lily doing gymnastics in my sister's belly. Milemarkers. I don't want to miss the milemarkers that matter.

Milemarkers.

Milemarkers show us how far we've come, make us aware of how much is left. I want to pay attention to the markers, the joyful, terrifying, heartbreaking, hopeful markers that make me. I want to pay attention to the people who can see the milemarkers when I can't, who can remind me of their significance. I want to celebrate the milemarkers that mark the journey and are making me. I don't much like some of the milemarkers that are visible these days, but they are important even so and maybe even more so...

So already I'm back where I started, humbled by the challenge to pay attention. Pay attention dear heart, weary heart, hopeful heart...pay attention to the milemarkers.