Back in April of this year I visited Paris for the first time. I was by myself so it was a bit of a solitary holiday. I went to the Louvre of course. There was a special exhibit there called "Rembrandt and the faces of Christ." Regardless of your personal beliefs, it's pretty well accepted that Jesus of Nazareth was an amazing teacher. The whole premise of the exhibit was that Rembrandt was the first artist to focus on the affects of Jesus' teachings on those who were listening.

When I returned home someone asked me what struck me about the exhibit. As I pondered it, I realized I was struck by the impression that all of those listening seemed undone. I hate being undone. I mean, I do everything in my power to stay in control, to be in control. But what if undone isn't merely weakness but a necessary posture on the way to being whole...What if undone is the posture of simultaneous vulnerability and strength? What if undone-ness is necessary to wholeness, to me being who I am meant to be?

On my last night in Paris I received an email from Steve that they had found a spot on his lung...ah, the beginning of my undone-ness...of my done-ness. How do I choose vulnerabilty? How do I persistently reside in the land of disequilibrium that causes growing? How do I choose undone when everything in me screams for control?

I've watched my brother navigate this journey and I find myself a bit in awe. He manages to be honest and candid without being whiny, to be hopeful without being delusional, to be vulnerable and amazingly strong. He lives undone on the way to done-ness...and it is a beautiful thing! (www.stevekafkas.blogspot.com)

This whole journey of running the marathon (again!), of joining the Team Chicago LIVESTRONG (http://run.livestrong.org/teamls2011/janetkafkas), of sharing even bits of the story with people is my grand experiment in living life undone. How do I live simultaneously strong and vulnerable? I find myself in moments wanting to be bold and strong and fierce for my brother, for my parents, for my siblings and in the next dissolving into a heap of sadness and fear and tears on the floor...I am beginning to think that that is the essence of life undone...of living in the both/and...